Why does my confidence disappear when I’m about to change roles?
You’re thinking about making a career change: a new role, a different direction. Or perhaps another way of living or working that’s a better fit with your current needs and season of life.
You’ve weighed up your options, thought about what’s next, and started to imagine what life could look like on the other side.
But just as you get closer to making your move, you suddenly make a U-turn.
“I can’t do this - it’s too risky!”
You find yourself making up reasons why you shouldn’t do this… how challenging the economy is… and 10 other convictions why staying where you are is a better idea.
Sound familiar?
Welcome to the Wobble Before the Leap — that in-between space where part of you is ready to embrace what’s next, while another part is still holding on to what’s familiar.
You’re ready to move forward, yet somehow holding back.
> Read more: Why Capable People Still Get Stuck in the Same Cycles
> Read more: A New Title on the Door Doesn’t Automatically Make You Ready
Why does this happen?
When you contemplate a big change, your brain can interpret the new and different as ‘danger’.
We’re wired to seek safety, and familiarity can give us a sense of it.
The less familiar something (new) appears, the more risky and threatening it can feel.
So even when a change is something you truly want, you might find yourself questioning your abilities, second-guessing your decisions, or telling yourself ‘now’s not the right time’.
Before you know it, you’re back where you started, choosing what’s certain over what’s possible.
Of course, there are some seasons of life where you need that.
There’s wisdom in knowing when not to make a move.
But when this becomes a recurring pattern, it’s worth asking:
Am I staying here because it’s right for me at this point — or because it feels safer than moving forward?
> Read more: AI-Proof Your Career? Think Again.
> Read more: The Hardest Part of Change Isn't the Change. It's the Waiting.
All that life on the sides - don’t miss it!
As author Brad Stulberg puts it:
“Achieving the goal isn’t going to change your life, but who you become in the process will. The top of the mountain is narrow. All the life is on the sides.”
When you let the need for safety keep you from exploring what’s possible, you may also miss opportunities to experience your life fully.
It’s not a personal flaw. It’s information.
I often hear clients lament: ‘why am I too scared to do what I need to do’, or ‘I wish I was more decisive and courageous!’
And sometimes, without realising it, we fall into behaviours that reinforce our doubts and keep us stuck:
1. Thinking harder
When faced with something new and unfamiliar, our instinct can be to double down: gather more information, make more lists, think through more possibilities.
We end up mentally spent — in cognitive overload, yet no more confident about what’s next.
2. Hiding behind ‘busy’
Staying busy can be a convenient way to avoid the tough conversations with ourselves, about what we really need. It may feel productive, but we end up with little room to explore anything new or different.
We’re quietly giving away control of our priorities.
3. Falling into the Expectations Trap
We underestimate the time, effort or skills needed to make a change happen.
When reality doesn’t match our expectations, frustration creeps in — and we start questioning our ability to make the change, or even whether we want it at all.
4. Running on empty
Taking on too many changes at once, or trying to make a big move when we’re already stretched thin, can leave us with an empty tank. We’re exhausted, with little energy left to draw on.
It becomes much harder to feel confident about taking on something new.
It’s easy to interpret these patterns as signs we’re not thinking big or lacking courage.
But what if our hesitation isn’t a sign that something is wrong with us?
Instead, these are often signals — clues to what we need to work through, before we can move forward with greater confidence.
> Read more: Am I Actually Making Progress?
> Read more: Uncertain About Uncertainty?
What can you do to build confidence for your next move?
Confidence through a transition isn't built overnight. But small, deliberate steps can help you feel more ready, as you build confidence on the go.
1. Question the story
When a change feels risky, your mind can turn possibilities into predictions.
“I won’t be able to handle the new role.”
“It’s too late to start over.”
“I need to have everything figured out before I make a move.”
Instead of treating these thoughts as facts, get up close and have a look:
What story am I telling myself about this change?
Where’s this story coming from: past experience, someone else’s expectations, a fear?
What’s one small experiment I could try, to start building another story instead?
You don’t have to eliminate every risk.
Start by questioning what you’re assuming, and reshaping that into something different.
2. Spot your loops
Sometimes, the obstacle might not be the change itself.
It's what you repeatedly do when you get close to making it.
Perhaps you start strong, then find reasons to delay.
Or you become more hesitant whenever you need to make a decision, when you don’t have all the answers.
These are the loops you can get caught in — patterns that keep taking you back to square one, often without you realising it.
Notice the moments when you tend to pull the brakes:
When do I find myself losing my nerve?
What tends to happen just before I start doubting my decision?
Spotting your loops helps you recognise your blind spots and catch yourself earlier, before automatically falling into the same response.
3. Emotions = data
You don’t have to fake it till you make it.
Nor do you need to wait until you feel 100% confident.
Start by identifying the emotion that feels most difficult when you think about your change.
Is it fear of failure?
Uncertainty?
A sense of not being good enough?
Then look for small, low-stakes ways to bring it down a notch.
Create deliberate opportunities for you to fail small.
Fearing you might fail?
Try: sending in a work report after one careful review, instead of your usual five rounds of re-checks.Uncertainty making you uncomfortable?
Try: making a small decision like picking a venue for Sunday’s group dinner, without researching every possible outcome first.
Each small encounter gives you an opportunity to build familiarity with that emotion.
The uncertainty chips away as you engage, freeing up capacity for you to feel more confident about your change.
You’re not trying to force yourself to feel confident.
You’re leaning on your emotions to tell you where to create the conditions for your confidence to grow.
Build confidence for your Wobble-Before-the-Leap
Transitions hardly ever come with a neat roadmap.
There will be moments when you feel clear and energised, and others when doubt creeps back in.
When you can understand what’s holding you back, you’re then able to build the longer-staying confidence and capacity to take your next step.
That’s where coaching can help.
I work with growth-minded professionals who are ready for something different, but may not yet feel fully equipped to step into what’s next.
If you’re thinking about a change, but finding yourself going round in circles - you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
Get in touch for a complimentary discovery call.
Let’s work together to help you stay in the room, through your Wobbles Before Your Leaps.
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