Why Capable People Still Get Stuck in the Same Cycles

Repetition has a certain comfort, it keeps things predictable.

One of my coachees constantly packs his days beyond what 24 hours can realistically hold. He knows it’s pushing him towards burnout, yet seems unable to stop himself.

A close friend says ‘yes’ too often, overcommitting herself and sometimes missing appointments, or letting people down unintentionally.

I’m an avid snacker, and I love my post-dinner nibble of something crunchy or sweet. This despite knowing the science behind why I shouldn’t, and despite genuinely valuing a healthy lifestyle.

So why do we repeat certain cycles, even when we know what they’re costing us?

The pull of the ‘Known Devil’

Often, something in the back of our minds is already telling us this isn’t working anymore. We know we ‘should’ change that behaviour.

But autopilots are powerful.

We’re good at shoving the discomfort aside just enough to get through the day. The fix works for a while — until issues resurface yet again — draining our energy, affecting our focus, or creating friction in relationships and work.

There’s a reason we do this, and why following through new behaviours can seem so challenging.

Our brain prioritises what feels safe, and resists uncertainty. There is safety in the familiar — hence stepping outside our comfort zone can feel disproportionately difficult or risky.

We then simply default to the ‘Known Devil’ — the familiar pattern our mind already knows how to navigate. It’s faster, easier, no surprises.

So what can we do about it?

1. Get yourself some data

Review and reflect often, you then get data points on how you think, feel and behave. Patterns begin to emerge, and you start to see where you can adjust.

It’s not that you’re don’t know what to do, but that you haven’t stopped to think about what’s driving your repeated behaviour that’s unhelpful (to you).

2. Notice the ‘hacks’ in your life

We all create workarounds to cope — a relationship, a habit, even a physical setup like your home environment. These hacks help us get by temporarily, but they’re also telling us where something is no longer working for us.

It’s not that you’re choosing the lazy way out, but that you’re not sure of how to make the new change feel less risky.

3. Convinced or compliant?

Especially with changes thrust upon us (for instance work retrenchment, kids growing into new life stages), we might not feel prepared. Intellectually, we accept the change, but emotionally, we haven’t caught up yet.

Pause and play with ‘how might I benefit from this?’.
That’s a quick reframe right there, and provides a ‘why am I doing this’ north star.

It’s not that you’re not ‘trying hard enough’, but that you might not be fully convinced why you need this new plan, new job or new part of your life.

Moving forward without fighting ourselves

So back to the habits we keep repeating, even when we genuinely want to change.

Under stress, our brain leaps into protection mode, creating a fall back into old patterns - a loop.

What can we do to help ourselves?

Make it feel a little safer to play with the new behaviour.

Experiment, try out some of the tips (above), create proof for our brain - this new way doesn’t need protection from, anymore.

Over time, the unfamiliar becomes less threatening.

The new pattern slowly becomes the new comfort zone, we’re more ready to let go of the old routine that wasn’t helping us. We get to move forward.

We’re then ready to make this new behaviour more concrete, breaking it down into actionable steps, closing the chasm with a plan you’re ready to take.

It will be a path of going forwards and sliding back, as we carve each new comfort zone.

So if you find yourself repeating an old pattern you thought you’d already outgrown - be kind to yourself.

Get up, go again.